Dholki invitation message: 12 examples for the song nights

The dholki is the first event of a Pakistani wedding and the least formal: the women of the family at the bride's house, a dholki drum, the wedding songs, tea and mithai, for one evening or for a run of them in the weeks before the mehndi. It is almost never a printed card. It is a WhatsApp message, and this guide gives you twelve to copy, plus the few things the message has to say.

What a dholki invitation needs

• Whose dholki, and that it is the dholki, not the mehndi. Guests dress very differently.
• Who is hosting. The bride's mother or sisters, usually, at home.
• Ladies only or everyone. The traditional dholki is ladies; many families now have the gents in another room or in the garden. Say which.
• Date, time and a rough end. Dholkis start after Maghrib and run late.
• The house, with the postcode, and a line about parking on the street.
• Dress. Casual and colourful. Nobody dresses up for a dholki.
• Food. Tea, snacks, dinner, or "come after you have eaten".
• If there are several, which nights, so guests can pick one or come to all.
• A reply, even a loose one, so the host knows whether to cook for twenty or sixty.

Dholki invitation messages

1. Ladies, one night

Dholki for Ayesha at ours on Saturday, 28 August from 7pm. Ladies only. Songs, the dhol, chai and mithai. Come as you are, bring your voice. 14 Linden Road, Bradford BD9 9AA; park on the road.

2. Everyone

You are invited to Ayesha's dholki on Saturday, 28 August from 7pm at 14 Linden Road, Bradford. Ladies in the lounge, gents in the garden, dinner at 9. Casual and colourful. Let us know if you can come.

3. A series of dholkis

Ayesha's dholkis begin, insha'Allah. Every Saturday from 28 August until the mehndi, 7pm at ours. Come to one or come to all. Ladies only, chai and mithai, dinner on the last night.

4. From the sisters

Our sister is getting married and we have songs to rehearse. Dholki at ours on Saturday, 28 August, 7pm. Bring the dhol if you have one and your best voice if you don't. Dinner served.

5. From the mother, formal

Rubina Siddiqui invites you to the Dholki of her daughter Ayesha on Saturday, 28 August 2027 at 7pm at the family home, 14 Linden Road, Bradford. Ladies only. Dinner will be served. Please reply by 21 August.

6. Groom's side dholki

Dholki for Hamza at the Maliks' on Friday, 27 August from 8pm. Everyone welcome, gents in the garden. Songs from the Malik side only; the Siddiquis have their own night. Dinner at 9.30.

7. Joint dholki at a hall

The Siddiqui and Malik families invite you to a Dholki night for Ayesha and Hamza on Saturday, 28 August at 7pm at the Regency Banqueting Suite, Bradford. Both sides, both sets of songs, dinner. Casual and colourful.

8. Mehndi rehearsal night

Mehndi dance rehearsal doubling as a dholki: Saturday 28 August, 6pm, at ours. If you are in a dance, you are expected. If you are not, come and sing. Pizza at 8.

9. Short, for the group

Dholki Saturday 28 Aug, 7pm, 14 Linden Road. Ladies. Chai, mithai, songs. Reply here so we know numbers.

10. With a dress note

Dholki for Ayesha, Saturday 28 August from 7pm at ours. Ladies only. Yellow, green or anything bright; no need for heels, we sit on the floor. Dinner at 9.

11. Reminder

Tomorrow is the dholki, 7pm at ours. We are cooking for forty; tell us if that should be fifty.

12. Thank you after

Thank you for last night. The neighbours have forgiven us. Mehndi details follow this week.

For guests, what to expect

A dholki is informal. Guests sit on the floor around the drum, one person plays, everyone sings the traditional wedding songs, teasing the bride and the groom's family in turn. There is chai, mithai, often dinner. Dress is casual and colourful; a kurta or shalwar kameez, no heels. Bring nothing, or a box of mithai. It is fine to come late and leave early. If you have never been to one, say so; someone will hand you the songbook. Our guide to the Pakistani wedding events explains where the dholki sits in the week.

Things to get right

• Dholki, mehndi, mayun. Three different nights. The dholki is songs at the house, the mayun is the bride's seclusion with ubtan, the mehndi is the big henna night. Name the right one.
• Ladies only. If gents are coming, say where they will be. Elders want to know.
• Numbers. A dholki can double in size from one message to the next. A reply line, even "let us know", is worth it.
• Neighbours. Dholkis are loud and late. A word to the neighbours beforehand is part of hosting one.

Where the words go

If the wedding has a dholki, a mehndi, a baraat and a walima, the simplest thing is one page with every function on it and a reply form that asks each household which they are coming to. The Pakistani wedding invitation page comes with the dholki as the first of five function cards, each with its own date, venue and dress note, and the message above becomes "everything is on the link". One payment of £40 covers any number of guests and functions.