How to invite guests to several wedding functions online

A wedding with one function has one list and one number. A wedding with five has five lists that overlap, two families who each own some of them, and a caterer for every night who wants a number by a different date. Most wedding websites were built for the first kind. Here is how to run the second kind online, so that every guest gets one link, replies once, and every caterer gets the right number.

The problem, stated plainly

Take a typical Indian wedding week: mehndi for the ladies and close family (sixty people), sangeet for everyone (three hundred), haldi for close family (thirty), the wedding for everyone (three hundred and fifty, because the groom's side added some), reception for everyone plus the groom's family's wider list (four hundred and fifty). A Pakistani wedding has the same shape with the dholki, mayun, mehndi, baraat and walima; a Bengali one with the gaye holud, biye and bou bhaat.

Five functions, two hosts, and the questions you need answered per household are: are you coming, to which functions, how many of you, and what will you eat. A paper card with inserts cannot ask any of them. A group chat gets you forty "InshaAllah" replies and no numbers.

Step 1: one guest list, tagged by function

Do not make five lists. Make one list of households, and tag each household with the functions it is invited to. The Mehta cousins: mehndi, sangeet, haldi, wedding, reception. Priya's colleagues: sangeet, wedding, reception. Mr Sharma's business friends: reception. The groom's side sends you their list and you tag it the same way.

Tags do two things. They let you give every household the right invitation, and they let you count. Filter by "sangeet" and you have the sangeet number; filter by "reception" and you have the reception number, from the same list, with no double counting.

Step 2: one page with every function on it

Put all five functions on the invitation page as cards, each with its date, time, venue, map, dress note and a line about what happens. Guests who are invited to everything see the whole week. Guests who are invited to the reception only still see the whole programme, which is fine: it tells them what the family is doing and why the couple will be tired. The personal note at the top of their link (next step) tells them which parts are theirs.

On an Indian, Pakistani or Bengali wedding page the functions come already written for that community, with the usual dress notes, and you edit the dates and venues.

Step 3: a personalised link per household

Every household gets its own link. The page opens with their names ("Dear Meena Masi and family") and a note you write per household or per tag: "Please join us for all five days" for the family; "You are warmly invited to the sangeet, the wedding and the reception" for friends; "We would be delighted to see you at the reception" for the business list. The reply form on that link asks only about the people in that household.

This is the step that replaces five sets of inserts. One message, pasted to every household, with their own link; the page does the personalising.

Step 4: a reply form that asks which functions

The reply form asks, per person, yes or no and a meal choice, plus any questions you add. Add one: "Which functions will you be joining?" with the functions as tick boxes. Now every reply comes back with the functions attached, and the count for each night is the number of people who ticked it, not the number you invited.

Add the other questions the week needs while you are there: ladies' side or gents' side for the seating plan; children's names for the kids' table; whether a household needs the coach from the mandir or the mosque to the hall; vegetarian, Jain or vegan for the wedding lunch; lamb or chicken for the walima.

Step 5: a number per caterer

Export the replies as a spreadsheet, filter by the function, and you have the number, the meal choices and the dietary notes for that night. The mehndi caterer gets the mehndi sheet; the hall gets the reception sheet; the groom's family gets the walima sheet, because the walima is theirs. Set a reply-by date two to three weeks before the first function, and chase from the list of households who have not replied, each with their link ready to resend.

Two families, one account

The bride's family hosts the wedding, the groom's family hosts the reception or the walima, and each wants to run its own list. Two ways to do it.

One invitation, two editors. Add the groom's family as editors. They import their list, tag it, send their links. Everyone sees the same replies. Simplest when the families get on and the week is one programme.

Two invitations, one account. A baraat or wedding invitation from the bride's family and a walima or reception invitation from the groom's family, each with its own guest list, its own link and its own replies, each with the right family named first. The details copy across, so nobody retypes the venue. Better when the lists barely overlap or when each family wants its own card.

Either way, nobody is maintaining a spreadsheet by hand, and the question "how many for Sunday?" has an answer at any hour.

What to send, and when

• Three to four months before: the links, by WhatsApp, with a short message and a reply-by date. Our guide to sending wedding invitations by WhatsApp covers the message and the preview card; the Indian WhatsApp messages guide has twenty to copy.
• Six weeks before: the chase, to households who have not replied, each with their link.
• Two weeks before: the numbers to each caterer, from the export.
• The week of: a reminder with the timings, and any change, which you make on the page once and everyone's link shows.

What this looks like in practice

Priya's mother sends one message to a hundred and eighty households. Each opens a page with their names, the five functions as coloured cards, and a note telling them which days they are expected. They reply once, ticking the functions and choosing meals. By the reply-by date the dashboard says: mehndi 58, sangeet 290, haldi 31, wedding 340, reception 445, with the Jain meals counted and the coach list ready. Nobody has phoned anybody.

The Indian, Pakistani and Bengali wedding pages come with the functions, the wording and the meal choices for each community already in place, and the reply form takes the functions question in a minute. One payment of £40 covers any number of guests and any number of functions.